Welcome back. Hope everyone had a good Labor Day weekend. It was nice to spend the time with my family. I know its been a few days since my last post, but if I posted everyday I might go nuts myself trying to keep up. My life isn't that exciting.
I read an article last night in Police Magazine about police officers and addiction (if you have the subscription you know its not the most recent, so yes, I'm a little behind). The author wrote about officers self medicating with alcohol and now painkillers to ease emotional pain, a lot of times from PTSD. It seems lately everywhere you turn you hear that term, PTSD. Most think of soldiers when they think of that term, but aren't we warriors also? Do we not see horror and tragedy and constant reminders of our own mortality?
Its easy to slip into the addiction cycle, especially when you have PTSD and you buy in to the stigma that you're a weaker person for seeking help. I think legacy cops are the worst at it, great grandpa handled it, grandpa handled it, dad handled it, and now what's wrong with me. Most likely, they kept it to themselves and became a ticking timebomb. No one knew what PTSD was. It took on many forms: combat stress, shellshock, etc., but it was always tied to soldiers.
Imagine this, you're out with friends for a drink or two after work before heading home. One drink turns into two, two to three, and before you know it, you've had more than planned. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with it, its ok to blow off steam and tie one on. Most of us have done it more times than once, especially after a bad call. It can build comraderie. Its when it becomes a regular occurrence that we have problems. Apparently, the big thing now is painkillers. Most getting addicted after an injury. Its easy and quick to take and no smell on your breath. Officer's lives and careers are wrecked because of addictions. More and more departments are realizing this. My department, like many others, have an Employee Assistance Program (EAP). It offers confidential help for free and your department never knows. If you ask for help, your department has to give it to you.
During the article, it mentioned SafeCallNow.org. Apparently, its an organization that is dedicated to helping first responders in these types of situations. And the kicker is they are all cops volunteering their time, most have dealt with addiction. Its ok to ask for help. If it wasn't for my wife giving me an ultimatum and my love for her, I would've been down the same path. I still have to work to keep off that path.
PTSD has come a long way, from being officially recognized in the DSM as a diagnosis to now having its own category with experts realizing its difference from other anxiety disorders.
Just because you have an addiction, your career isn't over if the department finds out. I know a few officers who come to work with alcohol on their breath (most are retired or retiring now). In my short 7 years on the job, I've seen two officers get DUI's off duty because they also crashed. They got help, took their lumps, and are now back on the job. You are not the only one with PTSD or an addiction. You're not alone. Why do you think Homicide Detectives generally drink like fish? In my department, alcohol is usually the core of blowing off steam. Even our softball team has gone by the wayside. On midnights, many times we went to the bar at 7am when we got off work. On afternoons, we on occasion have some beers on the top level of the parking garage. It can be an emotionally healthy form of therapy, if done correctly, but remember, "all things in moderation." It shouldn't be about getting drunk, it should be about being with friends, talking, having some laughs, and maybe a couple beers.
I guess the point of all this is PTSD doesn't necessarily have as much of a stigma attatched anymore. When people find out about me, some give me looks as if I'm broken somehow, others understand and offer help. Everyone's view is changing little by little (mostly because we've been at war for over 10 yrs). Also, if you need help, get it. There are many options available now. I see a psychiatrist and psychologist, I have a good family support system, and actually, this blog is helping. It allows me to get thoughts out and maybe help someone in the process. If you like my blog, refer it. If you know someone who might benefit from it, refer it. Share things, not everyone knows what's out there. Its all about knowledge and understanding. That's how we break barriers and stigmas. I heard a lot of nasty remarks after my mom's suicide, but you don't understand unless in that situation. I still hear nasty remarks about suicide, but I always speak up. That's what we need to do to do our part.
I've taken up enough of your time. But things are starting to get better with me. I'm going back to school, I'll be back on the street soon, and therapy is helping.
And remember...
Above all else...SURVIVE
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