I saw my psychiatrist the other day and he's at a loss with my treatment. Three things that are normally part of PTSD treatment are antidepressants, anti-anxiety meds, and therapy. I can only use anti-anxiety meds and therapy because I have epilepsy (and yes, you can have epilepsy and still be a Police Officer or Firefighter as long as it's under control). I have found that I'm in that one percent that experiences the wonderful side effect of seizures, yay me! For me, the risks outweigh the benefits. If I take antidepressants then maybe I'll feel better, but I may also have another seizure causing me to lose my driver's license for 6 months. I'm on Depakote for seizures, but off label it also helps with mood and depression. Well, either it's not working as a mood stabilizer for me or I would be really messed up without it. It is working for seizures though.
Anyway, my psychiatrist wanted me to look into something called Trans Cranial Magnetic Stimulation or TMS. Apparently, they focus on a specific part of the brain that affects mood and use magnets similar to an MRI for several weeks 5 days a week. Sounds like someone selling snake oil, but apparently it's some kind of legit thing. I'm kind of willing to try anything at this point because I'm already taking 25 mg of Valium a day and doing therapy. That much Valium barely keeps me even and I still have a lot of break through panic attacks. My psychiatrist said if I could take antidepressants then it would help with the anxiety. My epileptologist (neurologist that specializes in epilepsy) gave some recommendations on antidepressants I could take, but I still refuse out of fear. If anyone even reads this blog, which I doubt anyone really does or does regularly, and has experience with TMS, please provide input.
My Police Department started a Peer Support Group which gives Officers a way to kind of blow off steam in private without having to go to a therapist. My therapist wanted to have me do some in-patient time, but that's a big no because in my state any in-patient therapy causes you to not be able to carry a gun for 5 years, way to give incentive for cops to get needed treatment (insert sarcasm here). Don't worry, I'm stable enough to do the job, he just thought I would benefit from some time away to get some intense treatment. Anyway, a little rambling. The new Peer Support Group is developing ways to get us in-patient treatment should we need it, without losing our guns so we can still work. Plus they are now able to get us the time off work no questions asked if need be. Good program to have if any are looking to start one. Please post a comment if you want some information and I'll try to get back to you quickly, or at least within a week, depending on when I check this.
Sorry about kind of two different subjects, but I knew if I didn't include this now then I would forget later.
I'm going to end my posts with a different sign off from now on. It's from www.projectsemicolon.com. This movement is for mainly suicide awareness, but also really includes all mental illness. Suicide awareness is very near and dear to me since both of my parents committed suicide. It's just a simple semicolon. Authors use a semicolon when they don't necessarily want to end a sentence, but they could be split into two. The semicolon symbol for this movement is telling you your story isn't over yet.
So, here it is.
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